A time to share

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Weight of the Whole World

This song comes to mind today as I am licking my wounds...

Clarence Carter - Patches

I opened up a can of worms today in my relationship with my brothers family.
His significant other of 18 plus years and him have never been legally married. The State of Washington does not recognize "Common Law Marriage." I brought this to the attention of my brothers "wife" and she ignored it. She has been signing all the papers necessary for his care. Everytime she did this, she broke the law. I spoke with a nurse friend of mine about it and she went to the higher ups of the hospital, and they went to my brothers "wife" and confronted her about it... Now here is my problem, I actually want his "wife" to be in charge. I like the hard work and diligence she has shown. I do not doubt her love for my brother.
The legal person now in charge of my brothers care is his oldest child, his daughter, age 27. She called me to tell me that I am no longer allowed to see my brother in the hospital. That his "wife" will still be in charge. Of course this is not true because she cannot give her legal status to her. Only Ted, my brother can. And, he is incapacitated at the present time. Then her brother, my nephew called me up and got all in my face about it as well.
Then My older brother called me up and cussed me out and told me he is dis-owning me as a brother and that I am not allowed on his property ever again nor am I to ever call him again, and if our brother dies that I cannot come to the funeral... Whew!
My name is mud. I am tired, tired, tired... Tired of carrying this family, tired of holding up the fort, Tired of trying to be the peace maker... My good friend told me it is time to let them all go, they are adults...
Funny how all these years my older brother has referred to me as "Stable Mable," and "Steady Eddy," and "The Glue to the family." Mainly because I have been employed for 28 years at Boeing and married for 25 years...
Whenever he needed financial help, I was there for him. I am the middle child of five. When things get stormy in my siblings lives, it was always me they came to. Now, I am nothing more than a dis-owned, red headed step child.
That's o.k. Because a good friend of mine once told me, "Tim, there are two types of people in the world, givers, and takers. And we both know what you are. I am reminded of how much my mom got burned through all the years of her giving to others. I remember her finally reading the book, "looking out for number one." She was tired of being taken advantage of...
I just read this poem on a good friends blog, kinda sums up some things:

Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!


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