Fifty

Wow, Fifty, what a grand, lofty number! Half a century! Half a hundred!
My brother that dis owned me turned fifty today. What a milestone.
Mixed emotions running through me all day today. Love, anger, hurt, nostalgia, memories...
As I was driving to work today I put in some Neil Diamond. Had me teary eyed all the way to work. My older brother John turned me on to Neil Diamond when we were young teens. Shilo, I'm a believer, stones and oh so much more... he ain't heavy, he's my brother... the song that got me tonight was Brooklyn Roads.


It was too close to home, too close to the truth of brothers growing up, fightin and loving and playin ball and learnin good things and bad. Learnin about girls, drivin cars, smokin pot and drinkin beer. Runnin from the law and sometimes gettin caught, Skiing at the pass, bailin each other out of trouble.
I didn't call my brother today to wish him a happy birthday. I am still hurt and bitter about the way things went between us during our younger brothers ill health and subsequent death. It's not easy when someone you looked up to and admired tells you they dis-own you as a brother. Especially when you did nothing to them to deserve their ire and hate.
Sometimes life's a bitch. It doesn't have to be, but blood ties... oh how they are different.
Fifty years on this planet. What do we have to show for it?
John is one of the smartest people I ever knew. He could read a book and figure anything out just about. An awesome carpenter. Really more of an artist with what his mind sees in wood working. A strong athlete, black belt in Tai Kwon do. Loved to ski, scuba dive and sky dive. Served our country in the army in 1976. Father of five. And a grandfather.
I miss what used to be, no going back though, only forward.
Tired of living in the past, we must learn to live with the past.