Ya Get What Ya Give

I was really tired last Tuesday and Wednesday after fishing. First time out and all, but really the truth is I was down in the dumps. Why?
No fish? Lack of sleep? Tired of working?
All the above?
I was planning on working on my magic routine Tuesday night at work,(I have a performance this Friday at Cutters Point again). I brought all my props , but never took them from the car...
Got home Wednesday morning and tried to sleep, I was exhausted but still, sleep eluded me, I lay there thinking about my magic, what I am doing with it and where I am going with it. I recently read the book, "Magician and the Cardsharp." An excellent book that challenged me to work harder at my chosen passion, magic! And here I am depressed magically. Can't sleep and my mind is working over time. So I got out of bed around 10:30 in the morning which for normal people is around 2:30 am. I wrote down some things...
Every show is the next one!
You do not know who will be there!
Do not think or base your practice time or efforts upon the last one.(The last show I did at Cutters Point was a small audience.)
They (whoever shows up) deserve your very best!
You have been acting lately as if you can "just show up." That is a sure recipe for failure and disappointment!
Better work harder, rededicate yourself-or QUIT!
Don't look past your next (maybe small) performance!
I then went back to bed, hoping to get some sleep, still it eluded me. I got back up and wrote down the following...
It is an honor and a privilege, nay, a huge responsibility to perform for people. I have lost my focus for performing-getting big headed!
Then this:
People marvel at magic-Be marvelous!
People wonder at magic-Be wonderful!
People get excited over magic-Be exciting!
Needless to say I chided myself and it worked!
I got to sleep and that night I had a great practice session, I also picked up another gig for Saturday!
So, what is my focus for doing magic? My reason for performing? Is it about money? Is it about me? And like, Look at me?
Or is it about astonishing others?
That is what I would like it to be about.
Bringing joy and wonderment to others.
It is a huge responsibility to perform magic, why? Because I owe it to all the magicians who ever went before me to do justice to their and my art. Sounds high lofted, and maybe it is... but I feel it is true.
Remember the first trick you ever saw and your astonishment!? Your wonder? We as magicians have that same ability and should never take it lightly.
So, I am rededicating myself to do better, work harder, be more aggressive towards magic.
Keep the faith!