A time to share

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Too Little, Too Late

Strange happenings lately...
I went fishing Saturday morning with my friend Larry Millspaugh. He took me to this great fishing hole called Lake Kapowsin. A long drive out to the boonies. It was a windy morning. We fished for about 4 hours without much luck. Finally Larry got one on. It was a little trout about 11 inches long. I talked him into throwing it back. That was our only one. We enjoyed talking as we haven't seen each other much in the last five or so years. It was great catching up. Thanks Larry!
Later Saturday night things began to turn strange. Our phone rang. Sometimes I answer the phone a bit strange. I answered, "WHAZZZUP" in a deep raspy kind of way. The guy on the other end of the line turned out to be my older brother John. I haven't spoken to him in seven months. Ever since he dis-owned me for trying to help our younger brother Ted. Anyway, John told me Ted didn't have long to live. He might not make it through the night, and if I wanted to see him I better get to the hospital. Then he proceeded to tell me that I wasn't actually welcome at the hospital so I should maybe not come... He told me that he would try to pave the way with our other family members and that he would call me back. This was about 8 pm. At 10:30 pm I decided to go to bed. No sooner was I in bed and the phone rings again. John had talked everyone into allowing me to come to see our brother. I said I'd be right there of course.
When I got there I hugged Ted's wife Rose and said I'm sorry for hurting her. I meant it too. I did this with several of Ted's children, my nieces and nephews.
Ted was out getting a "Cat scan" and was not conscious. I stayed till about 2 am. I got to see my brother and he was not well. He did not regain consciousness in my presence. It was good to see him though and begin the healing process with my family.
Sunday morning I skipped church to be with my brother Ted, hoping to be there should he awake. I arrived about 10:30 am and stayed til 9pm. He did not regain consciousness. I talked with many members of my family. Now the bizarre. Ted's daughter Melissa who is 27, gave birth to her first child Sunday afternoon around 4pm. How strange is that!? To have a baby while your father is upstairs on his death bed! They had a girl, Paytyn Marie, 5lbs. 15 ounces!
Monday, after getting up in the afternoon, I headed back to the hospital hoping to have the opportunity to speak with Ted. No such luck, he did not wake up. Our older sister Chris had a c.d. with the song "Angel of the Morning" by Merrilee Rush on it. It was once Ted's favorite song. We played it for him a couple of times to see if we could get a response out of him. No luck. Of course, Chris and I tried to sing along, but it was difficult while we both were crying...
Today after work this morning I came home and drove my wife to the airport. She is flying to New Jersey to spend some time with her Aunt Adelaide. She will be gone for a week. I already miss her.
I then went to the hospital to check in on Ted. I spoke with one of the nurses. She is not optimistic about his recovery or awaking. His liver is shot. His veins in his throat are constantly bleeding and and are in shreds. He had a tumor in his liver that is cancerous and has most likely spread. He is not a candidate for a liver transplant. Even if he were to get a liver or half of one, (I offered) The chances for recovery are virtually non existent. The cancer and the veins in his throat are also killing him.
46 years old and battered. It is very sad. I shed many tears.
I hope some good can come from this tragedy. I hope people will learn to live their lives and take some time to "smell the Roses"! I hope some people will turn from their ways and realize they are hurting themselves and others, people that love and care for them.
I have so many emotions right now. Anger, sadness, love, pity, hurt...
Yes, I am angry at my brother for treating himself so poorly that he will be gone at age 46. We shared so many fun times that I am saddened that we will not get to any longer. Love in my heart for the times we had and shared. Pity because it is such a waste of a truly nice and wonderful man. He was a humorous person and truly loved others and was a forgiving, non-judgemental soul.
He had many wonderful qualities that I wish I possessed. It is ironic that each of us wishes we had what others have or were like someone else. Taller, thinner, wiser, brighter, curly hair, straight hair, whiter teeth etc. etc. etc...
I wonder why we cannot be satisfied with the wonderful uniqueness that God created in each of us.
Ted was unique, a character. Hard working and playful. Loving but lost. He had an addiction to alcohol. He is paying a terrible price for it. So are the ones that love him.


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