A time to share

Monday, August 31, 2009

Birthday wishes

Yesterday was my younger brothers 49th birthday.

It is very sad to me that he is not here to enjoy it.
I thought of Ted often as I travelled thru my day.
As I look at pictures of him I cry inside and my eyes well with tears. I am deeply saddened by his passing. He had so much to live for.
He was a giving man and ran out of time to give.
I miss doing my magic for him. He was always uplifting to me whenever I performed. It was always a joy to me to see the little child come out of him at the fun he had when I performed.
The cups and balls, and linking rings became his favorites!
Mine too.
I am saddened by the golfing together that we know longer do.
It still hurts to think of him as gone, never to speak to him, hear his voice, see his smile... I miss him.
I am saddened by the way he died. We did not speak to each other during the last seven months of his life. He was very angry with me. I tried to get thru to him, but he wouldn't let me.
I am still hurting from this and it saddens me.
I think it has hardened my heart towards members of my family.
You would think that the death of a loved one would help people to see how valuable they are to one another, yet often times the opposite happens. Bitterness creeps in.
Left unchecked... it can eat you up. Like a cancer it grows and must be cut out.
I haven't enjoyed being alone in the sense of my other siblings, but on the other hand... it has been more peaceful in some ways too.
I often wonder how they are doing, what they are up too, where they might have gone this year for vacation etc...
To proud to call or ask, each of us are.
Life goes on, before you know it, another one is in the grave. Words should have been spoken. Love extended, forgiveness given, and received... Old wounds healed, new memories made, laughter shared, fears about children shared, but it seems, not in this lifetime... Some of us seem to just want to live in the past, rather than learn to live with the past, better yet to live in the now and let the past go.


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