Humbling...

Hmmm, It has been a very long, tiring week.
Spent all week on day shift at Boeing. Re certification for operating a mobile crane which falls into my job description.
There were 11 men in my re cert. class... all passed.... except me.
As I ponder all of this I am humbled. Many of the men that passed I would not have thought could, and yet it is I who failed the "practical" of actual driving of the crane. The test is set up in a very absurd way. Yet I still felt I would pass it. I took it twice and declined a third opportunity as I simply was embarrassed and humiliated.
I realize I should not feel those things but I do.
I can make all kinds of excuses, like I was on day shift and by 11 am it would be the middle of my sleep. (Which is true, and after four days of being up these hours I am groggy faced) or I could whine about not having any "seat" time on this particular crane which is actually a joy to drive compared with the dinosaur I have available to practice on.... Or that the course is totally bogus as to how a true operation would be done. For instance, the test was a timed affair, yet you would never put a pressure of time dong a delicate job using a mobile crane.
The fact is, 10 other guys passed the test in varying degrees, I can only look in the mirror and see the man who couldn't cut the mustard.
I passed the test three years ago and fully expected to this time.
I guess next time I will find a way to get some practice and "seat" time in well in advance of the program.
I think I went into the week with a bad attitude, in fact I know I did. Going on day shift kind of ticks me off. Knowing I have a magic gig tomorrow also kind of fried me as I did not want to do this this particular week.
(Any excuse will do!)
Hang doggin' my head...
And the world turns....