Four Years Ago

Today marks the four year anniversary of my younger brothers death...
I am still saddened by this as I suppose I should be.
Theodore Owen Flynn. August 30th 1960- May 23rd 2007.


It really does seem like yesterday.
I guess in the big scheme of things it really was only a moment in time.
Four years... what have I accomplished in those four years? Have I been doing all I can do to live MY Dash?
Sometimes I think I have, I know I have, but at others... ? Well maybe not.
It is ironic that "life" gets in the way of living...
We all have these wonderful dreams, plans to accomplish things, or travel... but we allow circumstances or others to get in our way. Sometimes we build a wall around our own self, stymieing ourselves. We pigeon hole ourselves by our life we live. We often do not live for ourselves but for others. Our spouse or our children. Our job or even what we think we ought to do because we think it is right and proper.
What about your dreams, desires, goals? Are they dead? Are you dead in a live body?
It is funny how we are always comparing ourselves with other people.
Ted was always the outgoing, charming one. He could walk into any room and liven it up. He fit in anywhere and with ease.
He should have been the magician. His easy rapport with people would have been so disarming. And yet... He had many challenges in life too.
Ted was a very special person in my life. We were a year and a half apart. Many people thought we were twins, in fact I was just asked this by my cousin two days ago. I loved playing sports with Ted. He was a lefty, and had speed and power.
I remember playing Little League baseball together. Ted was 11 and I was 12. I played center field and would laugh when a right handed batter would swing at one of Ted's left handed curve balls, a swing and a miss. Often while they missed the ball it would also hit them in the foot. I am glad I never had to try to hit against him.
He was also my friend.
We struggled in our relationship towards each other late in life as he liked to drink a lot, and I think he felt that I was judgemental about it. So, I didn't get invited to a lot of his back yard BBQ's...
of which he was famous for.
In our early twenties we enjoyed playing a lot of softball together. Ted played left field for us and was a great fielder. He was small in height, and he used this to his great advantage. I would just love to see the opposing teams outfielders begin to creep in closer in right field. Ted would take a pitch or two and watch them as well. Then BAM, he'd hit a home run over their heads!
We had some great times going to tournaments.
Boy did we party!
Ted had an easy smile, he was the most un judgemental person I know, and I wish I had more of that trait too...